"The beautiful scenery of San Francisco, the most romantic city on the west coast, also makes this novel more intriguing to read. "
This is a very poorly constructed, dumbly unconvincing phrase. The charm of San Francisco? That's such a weak selling point to American readers (if there are to be). You'd have got better than that!
You were not THINKING the right way. hwarrensen at least got on the right track.
It's easy to be a writer these days. But it's ever hard to be a good one. Believe me, it takes a lot more, and you'll have to find out whether you've got it or not, eventually.
Of course skills can grow. You may wanna sit down and read some more English classics (not for your English, but for writing skills). I have an old book handy, "Subject and Structure", Little Brown 1970. That's one of those to train advanced writers - if you can find one like this.
Yep, this post is going to offend many. I'm leaving for SF tonight and hiding for a few days. So I won't resurface till it's safe here
